just a lil

Another exhausted day. Both physically and mentally. Have this thought that when someone is in a very tiring mode, they tend to think more, getting more emotional than usual. Like now? I dunno how long I can bear with these kinda life. This is only everyday classes, not including the assignments and mid terms. I always thought that 24 hours per day were never enough for me, especially during long semesters. Now, currently, is no exception. Waking up and leaving for classes early in the morning, some times a short rest back home whenever the break between classes are slightly a lil longer than usual or otherwise staying back , then coming back just in time for dinner. And some times, we could really skipped dinner just because everyone are too tire to move or do anything. Just wanted a lil rest.

So, basically 24 hours a day minus 6 hours of sleep, minus the 10 hours maximum for classes, minus another 4 hours for showers and meals, I only left with FOUR hours for MYSELF. What can I do within this peanut hour?? Not more than 2 episodes of drama? A few clicks and busybody-ing in facebook? Not to mention the time wasted to refresh the page a gazillion times cause the line here really SUCKS! Not quite sure is it sucks by nature or there are a cause for it. Get what I mean right.

What I want besides a whole bunch of headaches was just a lil comfy time for myself. I have tonnes of stuff which I planned to do yet never had the chance to even get it started. Now I am really worried about the assignments. No one has ever mention it or having any intention to maybe, discuss over it? The last thing I wanted for the time being is being nagged or complained about anything. Well, I am just a human being. I don't know what is everyone thinking. If I do, why would I frust myself like hell? Why am I stressed over a slightest problem occurring in the wrong timing?

Sometimes, well, most of time, I just felt leaving all behind. Why all the fuss? Why all the tensions? Why all the anger losing at someone? Why the moody and emo session? Just hate this kinda life. I deserve to go for what I want. I am afraid that one day, those fire, the ever longing desire, the dreams of all times would fade away as time passed. Is this the so called 'Opportunity Cost' ? Fore go the dream and live in pressure and undesirable environment. Life isn't fun, not even close to enjoyable. Even buddies ain't gonna be by your side when you needed them. So, what for? To depend on others, better rely on your own fat ass. That's what a friend said. Kinda agree to it. So, tend to keep most of the things to myself now. I call this self-protect. He said I should not be too 'kind', as in ke po to be exact. Should learn to be more selfish for own sake, think of own interest before others. Not sure how true or how relevant it is, but worth a try.

2.33am

my usual bed time

but not gonna doze off this so soon tonight

nightzz ppl...