ciaoz 2010

It's just 2 days away from new year. Excited? Nawhh. The earth won't stop moving, the sun and stars aren't going to stop shining & the clocks aren't stop ticking too.

Like Hamilton Wright Mabie quotes,

“New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights”

Here are what most people do

1. Summarize what happened throughout the 12 months

- had bumpy rides, on & off over time

- met great people that offers helping hands & a shoulder to cry on

- being back stabbed & being told rubbish

- moving to a single room which I adores so much ♥

- had awesome spontaneous trips with fellow classmates

- failed first paper in degree

- had the worse fever, I know it sounds lame

- missing out damn lotsa Uni activities! *pffftt!

- met sincere people who pin-point me right in the nose

( By the way, how did these people remember so much details and even made a long list 'bout it?? )

2. Trying to brainwash themselves to forget everything mentioned in above and go on with life.

Hehe, well this is what most people do nowadays don't they?

3. Have a list of new year resolution

• - Start a diet plan
• - work harder
• - avoid being spendthrift
  
• - spend more time with family
  

and so on, and so on..............

Now, what do new year really mean? Ring out the old & Bring in the new ones? Or Looking forward for a new start on old habits? Either one, resolution no resolution, one still gotta move on and finish what they've started in first place. As for me, it's my final year final semester in Uni and I'm just hoping with my fingers crossed, everything goes smoothly and according to plans. I don't want another miserable final semester. Certain thing has to go aside, at least for the time being.

And aside from all these, I really do hope I don't blog-slack too often =)

Last but not least, to all,

♥ to people who love me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR & HAVE A BLAST ONE!! ♥

魔鬼身材

人家常说，男人怕进错行，女人怕嫁错郎~

我倒觉得这个年代的女人最怕身材走样

人家还说，单身的女人身材最美，恋爱中的女人都瘦不了~

这个我双手双脚都举起来 strongly agree!!

当然排除掉那些一天六餐都吃不肥，天天喊增肥的辣妹。

真的，老天很不公平。

我很爱吃，非常爱吃那种。

可惜，天生肥种，一吃就肥，二吃就叫大肥。

很羡慕人家有曲有弯的腰形，

要我maintain这种身材，除非把我的胃割下来。

更羡慕人家的鸟脚，

( 我当初也有的麦笑笑 =D )

以前讨厌吃饭。

现在一天不吃饭，什么问题都出来；脚软手抖黑暗晕~ 

打开衣橱，

那件新年买的三分裤紧到...........

可以扣，但是都把西北胎挤上来，

很丑，很辛苦，不能呼吸！

那件在夜市买的黑色短裤，紧到..........

不敢坐下来，一就是怕随时爆开，二就是要命！

那件最爱的窄脚牛仔裤，紧到..........

还是一样不能呼吸！

还有去年买的

还有.......

还有.........

还有.......

统统都穿不下。

接受不了要穿大一号尺寸的衣裤，选择不shopping。

更可笑的是竟然以cutting小的理由来安慰自己买下一件M size 的短裤。

可悲到............... 

我不要很多啦，

给我有曲有弯的腰加吃不肥的身材就满意了。=)

laziness

i'm plain lazy,
as usual.

so, bear with it till the mood is up.
*double sigh

new start

I just abandoned my beloved blog! Well, not exactly abandon it, still feeding it for other purpose. Anyway, been doing lotsa reading lately. Mainly for research purpose (was forced to do so to be exact), god knows how hard is it to digest these craps. I bet its gives everyone headaches, backaches and blurry eyesights after hours of starring at the screen. Who doesn't? Besides, when everything come all in at once, u tend to stress yourself so fucking much and that u will end up starring and dreaming, having no idea how to get it started nor where to start. That's rather annoying. Well, good luck!

最近

最近搬了新房，除了它是单人房以外

其他的极度后悔

后悔这里没有隐私

后悔这里没有自由

后悔这里很乱，是超乱的那种

后悔这里要跟陌生人共用厕所，像足典型宿舍，我很不喜欢

最重要的，我很寂寞

最近很忙，忙那个好像没有终点的考试

这段时间的生活都会日夜颠倒，就像现在

压力起来会失眠，很累却无法入睡的感觉试过吗？

明明很累很累，躺下去担心多多，拿起书又读不进那种

两个字-- 无奈

最近很善忘，更是记不起读过的东西

很压力，特别是在考场的时候

脑袋一片空白的时候，写不出半行答案出来的时候

是种无法形容的恐惧

最近很暴躁，很厉害发脾气

厉害到自己都怕

稍微不合胃口就反感，不顺意就发蓝杂

身边很多遭殃

最近常头痛，是长时间的那种

可能眼力用过多，影响神经线

最近很情绪化

莫名的大哭，莫名的大笑

长期来很怕会精神分裂

最近很烦

该死的心，软在不因该的情况

让人踩到头上，再踩多几脚

不能排除自己也有错的事实

至少我不搞小动作博同情

最近真的累透

黑圆圈深到回家会吓到妈咪

自己照镜子都要照多两下确认下

该死的考试

我讨厌你

i'm really nothing

what's makes you think communication is essential anyway? u used to tell me we should really communicate to each other, spilling out whatever is in the heart just to let the other to know what is actually going on. so, what happens now? u tell me...

i never have the intention to move out. yea, maybe the thinking of staying alone does occur. but it was never to be realized. even how tempting is the offer, i thought of u first, believe it or not. struggling between this n that, u told me u had already made the decision. what the heck was that? i was told a single room, from u. how was i to know? u even get the whole world to keep it from me? and the so-called best friend? u took everything! u took it piece by piece from me. all the guilt, the emo and attempts to make it up, means nothing to u.

40个经典短语，让你领悟更多……

1、一个人炫耀什么，说明内心缺少什么。

2、一个人越在意的地方，就是最令他自卑的地方。

3、人都有以第一印象定好坏的习惯，认为一个人好时，就会爱屋及乌，认为一个人不好时，就会全盘否认。

4、人越是得意的事情，越爱隐藏，越是痛苦的事情越爱小题大作。

5、这个世界既不是有钱人的世界，也不是有权人的世界，它是有心人的世界。

6、婚姻的杀手有时不是外遇，而是时间。

7、当你再也没有什么可以失去的时候，就是你开始得到的时候。

8、学习要加，骄傲要减，机会要乘，懒惰要除。

9、童年的无知可爱，少年的无知可笑；青年的无知可怜；中年的无知可叹，老年的无知可悲。

10、人允许一个陌生人的发迹，却不能容忍一个身边人的晋升。因为同一层次的人之间存在着对比、利益的冲突，而与 陌生人不存在这方面的问题。

11、一个女人喜欢一个男人时，她希望听到谎言；当一个女人厌恶一个男人时，她希望听到真理。

12、现代的婚姻是情感的产物，更是竞争的结晶。

13、敌人变成战友多半是为了生存，战友变成敌人多半是为了金钱。

14、世界上1%的人是吃小亏而占大便宜，而99%的人是占小便宜吃大亏。大多数成功人士都源于那1%。

15、一个人幸运的前提，其实是他有能力改变自己。

16、人的成长要接受四个方面的教育：父母、老师、书籍，社会。有趣的是，后者似乎总是与前面三种背道而驰。

17、经营自己的长处，能使你人生增值；经营你的短处，能使你人生贬值。

18、生命犹如一片绿叶，随着时间的流逝，慢慢变的枯黄，但他的叶脉还是那么清晰可见。

19、把事情变复杂很简单，把事情变简单很复杂。

20、如果是棵小草，即使在最好的企业里，你也长不成大树。果真如此，不如历经风雨，把自己培养成名贵花卉。

21、“危机”两个字，一个意味着危险，另外一个意味着机会，不要放弃任何一次努力。

22、怕爹是孝顺，怕老婆是爱情。

23、没有不合格的学生，只有不合格的家长。

24、地球是运动的，一个人不会永远处在倒霉的位置。

25、有一种人只做两件事：你成功了，他妒嫉你；你失败了，他笑话你。

26、笨男人+笨女人=结婚； 笨男人+聪明女人=离婚； 聪明男人+笨女人=婚外情； 聪明男人+聪明女人=浪漫爱情。

27、人有两只眼睛，全是平行的，所以应当平等看人；人的两只耳朵是分在两边的，所以不可偏听一面之词；人虽只有 一颗心，然而有左右两个心房，所以做事不但要为自己想，也要为别人想。2

8、“总”要为爱人着想，“经”得起爱人唠叨，“理”应对爱人谦让，男人应当“总经理”。

29、失言就是一不小心说了实话。

30、真诚并不意味着要指责别人的缺点，但意味着一定不恭维别人的缺点。

31、人的本性就是贪婪，但没有贪婪社会就不会进步。

32、恋爱是想一个人的心，婚姻是拴一个人的心，爱情是吞一个人的心。

33、最好的进攻就是进攻自己。

34、人生的意义不在于拿一手好牌，而在于打好一手坏牌。

35、竞争，其实就是一种友谊，在对手的帮助下提高你的聪明度，害怕竞争的人已经输给了对手。

36、钱可以帮穷人解决问题，却帮富人制造问题。

37、世界上只有想不通的人，没有走不通的路。

38、真正的财富是一种思维方式，而不是一个月收入数字。

39、一个人想平庸，阻拦者很少；一个人想出众，阻拦者很多。不少平庸者与周围人关系融洽，不少出众者与周围人关 系紧张。

40、三流的化妆是脸上的化妆；二流的化妆是精神的化妆；一流的化妆是生命的化妆。

很有意思~ 看完记得转到自己涂污墙里面，经常看反复领悟吧……

( Quoted from anonymous's notes in facebook )

空虚

或许是空虚，最近爱上自己一个人晚上在街上走

尤其是午夜，很凉，心比较平静

走着跟你传简讯，整个人轻松下下

暂时忘了脑袋里塞满的东西

有时就走很久，想很多很多东西

很多却毫无头绪的东西，在想什么都不懂

就是很烦，烦不完那种

搞到自己几个星期整天脸苦苦

搞到喜欢一个人

一个人读书

一个人散步

一个人看戏，做自己的东西

一个人独来独往，不需顾虑太多

可是却又怕寂寞，很恐怖

有时想到你的冷漠，会怕，自然就掉眼泪

害怕你有一天真的累了

累了，放弃，离开那种

常常会无端端哭起来

多下看见你就开心过来

怀疑自己患上轻微犹豫症

上网翻看的症状，多少都符合

尝试告诉自己只是压力过头，想不通罢了

好像不见效

#

Are you depressed?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.

• you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case #

*kinda fulfill them all............

speechless

lotsa things i wanna express. but none of it come out. just dunno how to let out my frustration, my anger, my heartache. now that i know there are lotsa backstabbing going on. and that it's true that the closest to you is the most dangerous one. would NEVER trust anyone from now on...

i am damn tired and sleepy now but just couldn't bring myself to sleep beside her. it really sucks. god knows how glad i am to make the decision.

我就是那么的难搞

我

:: 很野蛮

:: 很霸道

:: 很爱管

:: 很小气

:: 很粘人

:: 很贪吃

:: 很幼稚

:: 很依赖

:: 脾气超坏

:: 很惹人厌

:: 很爱耍脾气

:: 很喜欢抱抱

:: 很习惯被宠

:: 忌妒心超重

:: 很死缠烂打

:: 爱无理取闹

:: 爱无中生有

:: 很容易不耐烦

:: 需要迁就又要有主见的男友

:: 要一个对我死缠烂打的男友

:: 习惯你对我做的事，以后最好不要改变

:: 有很多改不了的习惯，最好继续下去

我就是那么难搞~

怎样？

desperate

don't even know what's the point i am still holding on...

yet don't even know why i can't say it out and let it go...

so desperate to know all the things been hidden from me before could make up the mind.

truth or not to be

Sometimes, certain truth are really not meant to be known. Especially when you aren't ready for it, or never expecting it. And even you are aware of it, you ain't gonna believe it at that moment. To believe it or not to, outcome should be based on own judgement. Now that the trust are giving way to the truth and doubts, what else could we think of? At most time, it's not the matter of the outcome, but merely lies within the process, the time undertaken to went through it. Why is it that when it is so obvious all the time, we tend to loss sight of it more easily? Why are people blind-folding themselves? Why are people tend to keep things to themselves when they knew the outside should know about it? And why is it I gotta be the last to know it, even worst, when everyone's knew about it. Perhaps we could defend it by saying that the truth are not the truth after all. And basically, part of me still trust my own instinct, my own experience, all those I've been through. Every single thing that happens has got it's pros and cons, causes and reasons. I'm not to judge anyone nor conclude anything. But the outsides may not things better than me. I knew him and I know him. It's really unfair that practically everyone is sentencing a person to dungeon without valid prove. Sometimes what's seen on the surface are just surface. Things are not at all like what they assume. No one knows the hard times some people went through. Do they? And do they even care?? One thing for sure, those people never strive for living, yet, and are still under the parents' armpit. All the while they've been clucking real damn loud and stretching out blardy arms to get something. Spoiled and pampered. In this case, some people just never got the chance nor opportunity to do so.

It's aching me from deep inside that practically all are having the same view and same judgement. It's aching me even deeper that I knew NOTHING at all. I wonder how much more are yet to be revealed. Wanted so badly to know more. Anything. Why people just have to be so fake, all, especially U. Of all the advice u given to me, I wonder if any of them are true at all. No more trust for U. That's my word. And no matter how true are all these, even how bad a person in ones eye, those 3 years aren't just a TALE. It's from one's heart. How am i supposed to react to this? Not that I can just approach someone right in front of the nose and demand for explanation. Why things keep bugging me? It's just not fair that every time I am the one who gotta go through all these. Brings down my mood and brings up all the emo stuff. I'm losing a lot already, if these keep goes on, I'm gonna loss all, my friends. The lousy treatment I've been giving them, ones hate could turn to exaggerate. And the lack of sleep and meals skipping made it even worst.

Everything is going nowhere after all.

friends no friends

Had been up and down recently, just dunno what exactly causes it.

Walk alone, eat alone and emo alone.

I'm blues, coz having never ending frustration, from books to people.

I'm white, coz the mind is blank whenever I tried to think rationally.

I'm grey, coz always in the downward slope of the mood graph.

I'm invisible, coz no one ever sees what's within and beyond me.

Someone said something about me of being self-centered and thinks of having bf is as though having the whole world. The whole world here doesn't include friends and other surroundings. Am I? But I seriously still needed them around for me. So how are friends being defined?

According to google search results, a friend is

1. a person whom one knows, likes and trusts

2. a person attached to another by feelings of affection

3. a person who supports, sympathizes with X

4. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter X

Basically, a friend should be there for you no matter in good or in blues, and the way round. I was there when she needed support, when she needed some lending ears, when she just needed someone to kepochi together, and when she needed financial assist. But were she there when I am in my greys? Did they ever asked? No. I could use some concern when they are willingly to offer some. No harm. I could use a lending shoulder if they are willingly to lent one. No harm. But does anyone cares? Really doubting it 101%. Honestly, I'm not independent. I'm always depending on someone. Bf or non-bf. Can't stand on own's 2 feet. But think back and think deep, I should really be on my own. Friends or no friends, they won't gonna be there for you forever. This is reality, as much as u can't accept it, better be. Coz when u give out 99%, u aren't gonna get back 45% of it. This is life, and this is what I've learned. It's true that when they said u don't go expect what u will gain in return of your favor. So, this leave with only one option. Don't ever care for others at the max point, cos in the end, u will gain nothing. Fair enough.

Maybe this explains why I LOVE being alone nowadays. Keep everything to myself. Don't go kepochi so much. Wanna have time for myself, can't afford to 'eng siu' others when u were left with less than 6 hours a day for own leisure. Like me or not, be it. I've had enough, and i deserve better, rather than being hook on the nose and so whatever u all like.

Call me a barbarian. Call me a nuisance. Call me whatever you want.

I ain't a bitch, so don't force me to be one.

累

我真的很累...

考试累

上课累

面对种种人与事很累

面对你很累

你不了解。

我的耐性很不好，不要继续考我了。

我也有累的时候...

我累到快崩溃...

对我的冷淡，忍也忍了，迁就也迁就了，脾气也不发了。

就算对你的冷漠多失望，多难过，多不爽，

都 “忍” ...

硬着吞不下，一整晚自己气得睡不着。

知道你会主动发短讯那些女的，但我选择相信你，相信你说的没有。

天天闭只眼开只眼，说服自己你还是一样爱我，虽然常常会感觉不到。

我最讨厌你的烂借口，不信息我的烂借口。

电话删除按键坏了，很难打信息。

可是却让我发现你和那个她，那个她，还有那个她，

可以有几十封的对话，一封满的哦。怎么解？

不是我想提，是忘不掉，那根刺，拔不掉。

而一天到晚得不到你的消息，我会疯掉。心情烂透。

你的一通电话，就算几秒钟，真的可以让我开心。

就算一封信息，也让我自爽一下下。

可是你最近给的开心，自爽，存来存去都看不到满的？

关心我的心去了哪里？

我们到底怎么了？

对不起，我的错。

但不要让我到时连累都感觉不到...

没那种$$命

元宵快乐~

昨晚和朋友吃烧烤火锅，一个字 --- 爽！

很荒谬的是自己竟然在衣橱挖出一见特大件的上衣，为的是可以吃很多很多也不怕那团轮胎暴露出来。掩饰嘛... 聪明叻~

肥婆上镜～以后要多买大大件的上衣了... 因为...我贪吃！^^

结果真的饱到...... 到家坐在电脑前面，动都不想动。肥到~~~ 没眼看 @@

后来跟那两条马拉佬和表妹上车兜风，看夜景。还好啦...只不过是穿着睡裙出去咯。

重点就是回来后跟那班屋友开桌赌博。本十块，连本带利息输二十四块，好料叻。原本输掉一个午餐，到最后却输了半餐的寿司王。爸，不好意思你女儿没那种命，破财了。

$$$這東西　沒道理的　有人很搶手　有人沒資格路是人走的 我害怕什麼　大不了　別愛了　它像個天仙　它太美了　我那麼平凡 我開不了口心裡面曉得　追它的結果　幸運的　不是我　我沒那種命呀

它沒道理愛上我　英雄和美人哪　是一國的只怪 愛人太多了　對手太好了　勸自己別傻了 以前甭提了　以後非加油不可 我沒那種命呀　輪也不會輪到我　$$$老是缺貨 我爭什麼　時間　越來越少了　越來越老了我剩下一個夢 它走過來說其實我錯了她愛我（其實你錯了，我太愛你）

注: 大家不要误会。我指的我真的是我，而那个它，指的是 $$$$$$! 

< 24hrs

Going to have 3 mid-term this week and the 1st one would tomorrow.

That's the point here.

I actually forgot bout it!! @@

Not that i forgotten acutally, just mistaken the lecture time.

Thought it will be on wednesday when it is just less than 24hrs away~~

now really struggle to swallow and digest all the 6 chaps!

Can i burn and eat it all up?? can i ?? can i??

soooo stupidddd.... another last minute revision~ sucksss!

not to mention the god damn hot weather!!

how on earth people tolerate and concentrate at the same time huh??

as usual, headsets on, songs on, junkies reachable, study time~

this is gonna be hard... and it might turn into a long long nighttt~~ arghhh!!

audit oh audit~ please love meeee~~~ i love u sooo~~

complaining so much yet got the time to vain~ and even editing! keke ^^

i AM studying... but feel like blogging even more...

p/s left out the bag of Wise chips... its ALL in my tummy now~ =D

chaos ^^

懒到...

天天爱睡
天天钓鱼
天天聊天
天天面子书
天天养鱼
天天发呆
天天吃多多

却没有天天读书
懒到........... 无言。
怎样死？？你讲啦~ 你讲啦~~

你

给你，

让我有点自己的空间好吗？

我真的透不过气。

很累...

...

不要每天定时向我伤口撒盐，好吗...

我没有这样子对你.....

just a lil

Another exhausted day. Both physically and mentally. Have this thought that when someone is in a very tiring mode, they tend to think more, getting more emotional than usual. Like now? I dunno how long I can bear with these kinda life. This is only everyday classes, not including the assignments and mid terms. I always thought that 24 hours per day were never enough for me, especially during long semesters. Now, currently, is no exception. Waking up and leaving for classes early in the morning, some times a short rest back home whenever the break between classes are slightly a lil longer than usual or otherwise staying back , then coming back just in time for dinner. And some times, we could really skipped dinner just because everyone are too tire to move or do anything. Just wanted a lil rest.

So, basically 24 hours a day minus 6 hours of sleep, minus the 10 hours maximum for classes, minus another 4 hours for showers and meals, I only left with FOUR hours for MYSELF. What can I do within this peanut hour?? Not more than 2 episodes of drama? A few clicks and busybody-ing in facebook? Not to mention the time wasted to refresh the page a gazillion times cause the line here really SUCKS! Not quite sure is it sucks by nature or there are a cause for it. Get what I mean right.

What I want besides a whole bunch of headaches was just a lil comfy time for myself. I have tonnes of stuff which I planned to do yet never had the chance to even get it started. Now I am really worried about the assignments. No one has ever mention it or having any intention to maybe, discuss over it? The last thing I wanted for the time being is being nagged or complained about anything. Well, I am just a human being. I don't know what is everyone thinking. If I do, why would I frust myself like hell? Why am I stressed over a slightest problem occurring in the wrong timing?

Sometimes, well, most of time, I just felt leaving all behind. Why all the fuss? Why all the tensions? Why all the anger losing at someone? Why the moody and emo session? Just hate this kinda life. I deserve to go for what I want. I am afraid that one day, those fire, the ever longing desire, the dreams of all times would fade away as time passed. Is this the so called 'Opportunity Cost' ? Fore go the dream and live in pressure and undesirable environment. Life isn't fun, not even close to enjoyable. Even buddies ain't gonna be by your side when you needed them. So, what for? To depend on others, better rely on your own fat ass. That's what a friend said. Kinda agree to it. So, tend to keep most of the things to myself now. I call this self-protect. He said I should not be too 'kind', as in ke po to be exact. Should learn to be more selfish for own sake, think of own interest before others. Not sure how true or how relevant it is, but worth a try.

2.33am

my usual bed time

but not gonna doze off this so soon tonight

nightzz ppl...